Coaching: work on your limiting beliefs

In a previous article on the current trend for coaching in business, we shared the formula that sums up what coaching does: Performance = Potential – Interference.

Today, let us turn our attention to the third element of this formula, interference, and more specifically to what we call limiting beliefs. What are they, how do they influence our lives (both personal and professional), and why do they have a central role to play in a coaching process?

What is a belief in coaching?

We all have a system of beliefs about life in general, about ourselves, and about the world of work. They come from our upbringing, our background and our experiences, and are often made up of stereotypes, generalisations from things we have lived through, and popular sayings. Some of these beliefs are useful, in that they help us to live in society, to make choices, to feel that we belong to a group, and to move forward.

Most citizens of our country believe that democracy is the best system of governance. Is that true? That is not what matters, because no one will ever be able to prove that democracy really is the best system; to do so, you would have to compare a multitude of other systems, take many criteria into account and evaluate utopian systems that have never been tested in practice throughout human history.

What matters, on the other hand, is that people believe democracy is good and useful, and that this belief is shared by a majority. This allows citizens to act according to the principles of democracy without questioning the way the country is run on a daily basis.

Another example of a useful belief that many people share is "nothing ventured, nothing gained". Once again, what matters is not whether this statement is true or not; indeed, it would be impossible to prove. It is the usefulness of this belief that counts, in the sense that it allows the person who holds it to be bold, to take risks and to give things a try.

Other beliefs, by contrast, have a negative impact on our lives in that they prevent us from carrying out certain actions and from moving forward; these are limiting beliefs. They can be likened to the prejudices we hold, and they are called limiting because, in the language of coaching, they limit an individual's potential.

It would be impossible to list all the limiting beliefs that exist, because they are infinite. Here, however, are four categories of beliefs that are regularly shared and reinforced in our society:

Limiting beliefs about oneself: I am not creative  I cannot speak in public I have to take responsibility for my failures I have always been clumsy And so on.

Limiting beliefs about others: Men are all hungry for power Business leaders only think about money Women have to be twice as tough as men to earn respect You should be wary of people who are too nice And so on.

Limiting beliefs about life in general: You can't trust anyone You have to suffer to succeed No success without sacrifice Life gives you nothing for free You have to work hard to succeed And so on.

Limiting beliefs about work: To be a good manager, you have to hide your emotions Employees are never 100% committed I am not allowed to make mistakes If I say no too often, I risk losing my job​ After the age of 50, it is impossible to find a job It is impossible to earn a living as an artist And so on.

​Our beliefs are therefore like a perception filter through which we see our world and analyse the events that unfold within it. The problem – and there is one – is that our brain identifies these beliefs as truths, and these truths then guide our behaviour so that it conforms to them.

If I lose my job at 50, and I believe that after the age of 50 it is impossible to find a new one, I will put myself in a negative frame of mind, think my situation is catastrophic, and almost certainly struggle to land job interviews.

If, on the contrary, on losing my job at 50 I think that I still have 15 years to achieve one last professional goal that means a lot to me, I will put myself in a positive frame of mind, imagine opportunities (a new training course, for example) and begin my search with an enthusiasm that will surely bring positive results.

Be careful: we are a long way from the "Coué method", or the idea that only our perception of reality determines what happens to us. It is simply that holding deeply ingrained beliefs about how the world works can only prevent us from seeing a situation differently and looking for alternative solutions.

Coaches will even say that, at times, limiting beliefs provide a comfortable protection against the risk of failure. If, for example, I believe it is impossible to earn a living as an actor, I will give myself permission never to try my luck and so will not take the risk of trying and failing. Comfortable, isn't it?

The problem with limiting beliefs therefore lies in the fact that they shape our behaviours and choices so that they align as closely as possible with the beliefs themselves.

" The perverse effect of beliefs is their self-fulfilling nature: I believe, so I act accordingly, and my belief is thereby reinforced. "​

Example : I believe that I cannot speak in public. So I will avoid speaking up in meetings. If I decide to give it a go once, it is a fair bet that I will stumble over my words, blush and experience that awkward moment negatively. This experience will reinforce my belief that I cannot speak in public, and I will no longer take the risk of trying.

Identifying and letting go of your limiting beliefs

To identify the beliefs that limit us, we can of course enlist the help of a coach, but we can also reflect on the thoughts that come to us in certain situations where we feel stuck.

A useful clue: sentences containing "always", "never", "everyone", "you have to" or "I must" are generally limiting beliefs, because they confine us to a narrow, rigid view of the situation ("I will never manage it"), or they place an enormous weight on our shoulders regarding what is expected of us ("I must always face up to my responsibilities").

Once you have identified a belief, there is no need to ask whether it is true; you simply have to ask yourself:

• Is this belief useful to me?

• What behaviours will this belief lead me to adopt?

• Am I satisfied with that behaviour?

If the answers to these three questions are yes, keep nurturing this belief. If the answers are no, then you may find it worthwhile to let go of it.

Try it out with any of your beliefs and run it through the filter of the three questions above.

At Valeur Plus, we are convinced that working on limiting beliefs related to the world of work is extremely powerful within a supportive process such as coaching.

Letting go of our limiting beliefs allows us to approach every situation with fresh eyes, to view our role within our professional environment objectively, to identify the steps to take in order to progress and, above all, to dare to move forward while being aware of our potential.

This work that we carry out with our clients in coaching enables them to move forward step by step by changing the way they look at the challenges they face on a daily basis, and thus to find the keys to reaching their objectives.